See The World In My Eyes . . .

Theres this kid . I like him . A lot . like a lot , a lot . Every time i see him my heart gets all fluttery . When he hugs me things start to move in slow motion . His smell .. yeah , i’ve memorized it . The rich smell of axe . Each time he smiles , it leaves me breathless . Like someone has just punched me in the stomach and knocked the wind out of me . He’s so weird . But i just happen to love it . The hole on the bottom of his shoe when it rained and left his feet soaked . Yeah , we made a joke of it . He has a few different types of laughs . One , is where he literally thinks something is extremely funny .. his REAL laugh . The one  i just happen to love SO much . Where he laughs so hard he loses his breathe . Another laugh , is where he does a little girl giggle . He does this laugh when he doesn’t think somethings that funny . & another ; one i also kind of love<3 where he only laughs once but his smile is HUGE and theres light in his eyes . Gosh , that smile<3 He’s dark . You can’t even see him at night >_< He’s the darkest mexican i’ve ever seen , But i like it . It goes good with his bright ass smile . He’s also one of the sweetest guys . His personality blows people away . But when he’s mad . He’s scary as hell when he’s pissed . But its extremely rare when he’s like that . He’s also one to be a sucker for love . Yeah , he has a girlfriend . Whom he is SO deeply in love with . Talks about her all the time . Her name written on his shoes & his backpack . Yep . . his smile ? she’s the reason for it . Not me … As much as i want him to be mine ; i would never try to break up him and his girl . I like him . I care so much about him . & it would kill me to see him sad . i know she makes him happy . and as long as he’s happy ; its okay . To him , i’m just his friend . He knows EXACTLY how i feel about him . But he doesn’t feel the same . So , i’ve learned to except that . You know , those sweet girls who always fall for someone they can’t have ? & just hurt themselves more , because they’ll always just be the ’ friend ’ . yeah , thats me . One day , i’m gonna find someone who feels for me , what i feel for this guy & what he feels for his girl . But for now , i just wait until that day comes … 

- Angelica Nichole Gaerlan . 

People think i complain too much about not having a mom. But look at yourself and  at your mom . You have her . now think , what would you do without her ? I love my mom . Even though she left because she cared more about drugs than her own kids . The first 6 years of my life she was my best friend . I remember she picked me up from school one day and i ran to her and squeezed her . School days seems like forever without her . & now, i haven’t seen or heard her voice in more than 6 years . If a couple hours away from her felt like forever . . imagine how years without her feels to me ? Every girl needs a mom . I grew up with just a dad , who had no idea how to take care of girls . Didn’t know how to do hair . Which is why most of my child hood i had boy hair . It fucking sucks . I miss her everyday . I don’t have someone there to cry to . My sister ? I can only tell her so much to the point where she wants me to shut the fuck . So i keep it all bottled in . But one day , theres not gonna be enough room to store all of my emotions . I’m going to explode . I don’t know who i’ll explode on or where i’ll be . But i do know its all gonna come out and not in a positive way . When i sit here and cry and cry about all the bullshit i go through in life , It makes me feel weaker and weaker but in the end this pains just going to make me feel stronger and stronger . .